Lost in Translation (Help! How can I be polite in English?)

“I was raised on whispers of kindness constant advice on being nice, and was taught to carry warmth within my words […]”

It all started when the officer at the UK border handed my passport back to me, and I was left with the options of saying either “Thank you!” or “Have a nice day!”, or both. Frankly, to this day I still don’t know how socially acceptable it is to say “Have a nice day!” to an officer, but it’s the closest expression that could satisfy my need to say “Kolay gelsin!”. Little did I know that the brief interaction I had with that officer would be the foreshadowing of almost all my future interactions here in the UK. I am of course aware that it’s not possible to have translations for every expression or word in a language but still, I didn’t expect how frustrating daily interactions could be as a non-native English speaker in Cambridge. I should however admit that it is not all just a bad experience, but it has also been a thrilling opportunity for me to discover some sociolinguistic differences between Turkish and English. In this article, I will take you out on a journey with me; a journey filled with Turkish phrases and expressions, my silly little interactions with people, and some humble sociolinguistic analysis. Now, everything I will say after this point might sound a bit dramatic, and that’s because it is dramatic, but you must try and understand the little frustrated and confused Turkish girl inside me. 

I was raised on whispers of kindness, constant advice on being nice, and was taught to carry warmth within my words. My dad would always make sure I said “Kolay gelsin!” to the nice old shopkeeper at the corner of the street, and my mom cheered me on whenever I yelled, with tears in my eyes, “Geçmiş olsun!” to the cat who fell down while trying to jump into the trash bin. So, like all of you, I learned how to be polite from a very young age. Why is it, then, I feel like I can’t be polite enough while talking in another language like English? If we are all taught to be kind and say nice things, why can’t we feel like we’re being kind while using words other than the ones given to us by the people who raised us? Or why do we even have this internal urge to appear polite? Some linguists suggest that we use politeness strategies when faced with Face Threatening Acts (FTAs ). They define “face” as a public image every individual creates themselves and wants to claim for themselves. FTAs in this context are interactions that threaten the image of individuals involved in the interaction. Making a request, for example, is an FTA as it imposes on one’s freedom which threatens their negative face (the side of us that desire to be independent, want freedom from imposition. and personal space). According to Politeness Theory, it is during those interactions that we feel the need to be polite, to save our and others’ faces. Politeness strategies in cases of FTAs are (as you can  guess) expressed by a variety of linguistic means, whether it is certain expressions like “thank you”, “please”, “excuse me” or indirect sentence constructions like “would it be possible if you…?”.  

Following this framework, many sociolinguists looked into politeness strategies in different languages and came to a conclusion that different languages have different  strategies. This might provide a great explanation to some of the questions I keep asking myself: Why is it that saying something polite in English doesn’t make me feel truly polite? And why does it frustrate me so much when the expressions I want to use can’t be translated? The results of studies  on politeness in Turkish and English reveal that the main strategy English uses is indirectness, while Turkish relies on formulaic politeness. Formulaic expressions are fixed expressions that are required by specific social contexts, like answering “I’m okay/fine/alright, thanks. How are you?” when someone you’re not close to asks how you are doing, instead giving a literal answer like “I feel like I’m drowning and there is no way out until I finish this essay.”. Indirect politeness, on the other hand, is when you avoid saying something directly and rather hint or remove yourself from the equation, saying something like “It’s getting a bit cold in here” or “Would you mind closing the window?” instead of just saying “Close the window, I’m cold.” The different tendencies between the two languages  regarding politeness strategies brings to light further sociolinguistic differences. Rooted in Turkey’s cultural fabric, formulaic expressions are solidarity-oriented with an emphasis on acknowledgement of one’s struggles, efforts, emotions, well-being and so on. Indirect politeness, however, gives English a more individual-oriented characteristic where one’s autonomy is more valued. Having formulaic expressions also means that saying a certain phrase is expected and not saying it would make you rude in Turkish, whereas in English similar phrases are optional and not saying them will not make you seem rude. All this  helps me conclude that the reason I feel rude when speaking in English is simply because the two languages have very different strategies for politeness. And the frustration I feel when a formulaic expression is not available in a certain context is because I feel obligated to use such expressions. This little sociolinguistic analysis definitely helped me feel better about my use of English and my lack of use of Turkish in my daily interactions in Cambridge. 

Speaking of my daily interactions, let me introduce you to some of the expressions whose absence left a void within me. Let’s kick things off with the queen of all formulaic expressions, the very essence of my being, the reason why the world keeps turning, AKA my favorite expression: “Kolay gelsin!” . If I were to directly translate this phrase, it would be something like “May it come with ease!” which obviously doesn’t make sense for an English speaker. This formulaic expression is layered with nuance and cultural meaning. It bears a social expectation of acknowledging that someone is taking on a challenging task as well as wishing them a good outcome. It shows your support while offering encouragement, and it lets them know that you recognize the effort they put in the task they are tackling. Some social interactions that require this expression may be similar to the one I mentioned in the beginning of this article, a situation where you are faced with a public worker, a shopkeeper, a porter in your college, or a barista who just gave you coffee, and you want to make their day a bit better while also acknowledging the effort they put in for you and everyone else they are serving. You can also say “Kolay gelsin!” to a friend who is writing their essay, about to have a supervision, or trying to cook a very complicated meal for themselves. There are countless situations where you can use “Kolay gelsin!”, and it is such an essential part of daily interactions in Turkey that I truly feel  lost in conversations sometimes. To make things easier for myself, I started to teach the meaning of “Kolay gelsin!” to my friends. Now, our WhatsApp group descriptions is:  “When Meryem says “kolay gelsin” she means: smt like “may it come easy to you” and “good luck”. IIt expresses the genuine hope that the person she says it to is successful in their endeavor, as well as recognizing that the task may be difficult for them”. 

Another expression we use a lot in many different situations is “Geçmiş olsun” which translates to “May it be in the past”. A similar expression in English, “Get well soon”, is used in a similar context: someone is sick, and you wish for them to get better. The difference between these expressions is that “Geçmiş olsun.” is used to show sympathy in situations where there is no actual sickness. It can be used when someone is having a bad day, if something annoying or unpleasant has happened to them, if they have lost their glove and so on. No matter how big or small, any kind of difficulty can be acknowledged with “Geçmiş olsun”, which also illustrates how politeness is solidarity-based in Turkish as acknowledging the situation and expressing empathy creates a social bond that leads to solidarity in Turkish culture. I remember a time when I met a very talkative greengrocer here in Cambridge and he was telling me about the time when he wanted to get purple flowers for his wife, but the only flowers left by the time he went to buy them were pink and yellow ones. It made him really sad and disappointed,  as he was dreaming of the purple flowers  the whole day. All I could say to him then was “Aww I’m sorry” while aching with the desire to say “Geçmiş olsun”, causing  me to stare into his eyes blankly as if he would suddenly start to understand Turkish. Every now and then I still think about him and wonder if he could tell the sympathy I felt or how I wished for this sad experience to be in the past for him, and if he ended up getting purple flowers for his wife.

One of my favorite things to do in Cambridge is to go to craft fairs and meet the artists there. Every single time, the craft fairs leave me with cherished memories, the sweetest interactions, and artworks and crafts that captivate me. And whenever I tell the artists how much I appreciate the things they create and thank them for creating them, I try to explain to them what “Elinize sağlık!” means. With the literal translation of “Health to your hands!”, “Elinize sağlık!” is an expression most commonly used when someone cooks something for you. In fact, it is extremely rude if someone cooks something for you (no matter how simple) and you don’t say “Elinize sağlık!” to them. Aside from that, this expression can be used to show appreciation and gratitude to  someone who makes something with their hands. It can be food, drinks, crafts, art, fixing something, or even writing something. It bears an acknowledgement of the physical effort someone puts into something they make. As there is no formulaic expression in English that can replace “Elinize sağlık!”, I make sure to let the artists know what I actually want to say to them instead of just saying “Thank you!”. 

Long story short, this journey I have embarked on in Cambridge has brought me experiences I never expected. I used to get really frustrated and annoyed when I couldn’t translate what I wanted to say, and I still do, to some extent. But I’ve also come to appreciate the new opportunities it has brought me, like getting to observe sociolinguistic differences between these two languages,   their impact on daily interactions, and getting to teach some of my favorite expressions and cultural nuances to some of my favorite people here. 

Here is to discovering even more ways to be polite!